This is the continuation of my financial journey in my own words. If you missed Part One, click here to read it.

I was on my own, jobless, little money in the bank, an unknown future, and a toddler to care for. At this point, my divorce was still in process and I wasn’t sure what debt would be given to me. I knew I had to find a job and fast. I really didn’t think it would be an issue because I was applying EVERY-WHERE. I thought for sure I could get a job at McDonald’s or Subway, but they told me I was overqualified and couldn’t pay me. At that point, it didn’t matter if it was minimum wage, I just needed an income. 

Eventually, I did find a job and a place to stay. Unfortunately, I found myself with debt that my ex was supposed to pay off, but hadn’t. I didn’t have the money or time to leave work and pay for a lawyer every time he didn’t do something he was supposed to. I began drowning in debt and only able to make minimum payments on my credit cards. (Word to the wise- the minimum payment does nothing. It only keeps your balance steady for longer.)

A long-time friend and I reconnected and developed a relationship rather quickly while my divorce was still in process. Again, he was not in a good financial place, but I can “fix” that. He had a steady income, but was bad with spending. We decided to rent a place together and that I would control how most of the money was spent. We weren’t in a great spot financially, but we had the main things covered. That was, until he realized life isn’t fun when you’re used to spending more than you make.

We eventually began to argue about money. He was spending money we needed for bills and fuel on stupid things like apps for his phone and junk food at gas stations. I wanted to leave the relationship, but my good-for-nothing lawyer told me it wouldn’t look good for custody in the courts, so I held on. The money kept dwindling and I eventually let the cable (the only thing in his name due to poor credit) lapse. I was so embarrassed. Despite my past challenges with money, I was always in control before something like this happened.

Christmas came around and I told my mom we weren’t getting a Christmas tree. She asked why and I replied, “Because I’d rather the kids have gifts than a tree.” At this point my son was four and my boyfriend had 2 children from a previous relationship. We scraped by and were able to give the kids some items they wanted from Santa. Shortly thereafter, I discovered my boyfriend had been cheating on me and had said some disparaging remarks to the Guardian ad Litem that was handling my case. Soon after, I learned his comments swayed the judge to give residential custody to my ex. I had lost my son, at least it felt like it.

That was the last straw- I was done. The divorce was being wrapped up and I was in a relationship that had been over for half a year. I began saving a little money from each paycheck so that I could have something to leave with. It wasn’t much- I started putting $25 away twice a month until I could afford more. At last, I had enough to start my life over, again. I spoke with my parents and arranged to move my stuff out the day after I talked to my boyfriend. I had made the mistake of co-signing a loan for him because he needed a vehicle for work and adding him to my insurance policy. It was so difficult to get out of these obligations now.

Sometime later, I got a pay raise and met my future husband. My ex-boyfriend also found someone new, who convinced him to get my name off of all things related to him. Thank goodness! With more income, I attempted to turn my finances around again. I began doing the envelope budgeting system and following Dave Ramsey’s Baby Steps program for getting out of debt. It was during this time that I finally gave in to my now-husband’s advances for taking me out on a date.

We had a bit of a bumpy start as I was still trying to figure out co-parenting with a narcissist and get my head above water. My husband was patient and loving. He helped me through so many rough times and treated my son as his own before we were even engaged. He was different in every way from my first husband. He was wiser, and 12 years older, and had had some financial issues of his own in his twenties after his business went under. He learned from this and chose a very mindful and frugal life that put him in a better financial position.

Time moved forward and I eventually pulled myself out of debt. I had gotten to a point where credit cards would send me offers again. My lowest point was when I had to make a deal with a collections agency because the debt left by my first husband was more than I could handle. I didn’t realize how that affects your credit and was denied from getting a checking account. Ouch. My now-husband was so supportive in my journey. When we decided to move in together, he didn’t ask for me to pay for anything. He just wanted me to take care of my debt and get some savings again.

In time, my fiscal situation improved and we split the utilities. I learned a lot from him about how to determine if spending money on something is worth it to you. We still don’t see completely eye-to-eye on spending, but we do agree on the big stuff. A few more years went by and I now had a savings account for myself and my son. I have extra money in my checking account and bills that are paid in full every month. We finally decided to get married after a very long courtship in 2022.

I’ll admit that I was a little concerned about my financial past encroaching on his near perfect credit score. He assured me he didn’t care and that things would be fine. We decided to keep separate checking accounts with one joint account for necessities. I was a little hesitant about this at first because I always thought married couples should share everything. And we do. There are no secrets between us- if I need money he’ll give it to me and vice versa. But there was a small part in my brain that wanted security so that I wouldn’t have to go through the same difficult times again if things didn’t work out. We love each other and have absolutely no plan to separate, but we’re also realistic, both having gone through divorces.

To date, I am now in a economically secure place. I have zero debt, a great 401K balance, and the option to purchase what I want at my leisure. We go on trips without having to save for years to get there and just enjoy life. I remember telling my dad a couple of years ago that it was the first time in my life I felt financially secure and didn’t have to worry about how much money I had or where it would come from. A good thing, but still very strange to me.

I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say there’s a part of me that’s still scared of winding up broke again. I think once you’ve been in that situation, you begin to realize that it’s real. It can happen to anyone. Recently, I began realizing that I was spending too much money on extra things like eating out and Amazon. I promptly put myself on a strict budget and tracked every penny in each account. I talked with my husband about being concerned that I wasn’t putting enough away for retirement, because my subconscious told me I can’t rely on anyone else. I am very lucky to have a partner that understands these concerns and talks me through them.

I’ve described over 20 years of my pecuniary highs and lows from my life so far. What a ride it’s been! I’ve learned so much from my mistakes and naivety throughout the years, but I think they’ve shaped me into the person I am today. I hope you gained something from my experiences and realize that you’re not alone in your financial journey. It’s never too late to start again.