I want to begin by mentioning that what I’m about to discuss is something I personally observed and bothered me. The way I see the situation and my views are unique to me and come from my own personal background. I’m curious to hear your thoughts after you’ve read it in its entirety.

My husband and I recently visited a local bar to watch a band perform. It was a Sunday afternoon, so more of a relaxed crowd. As we sat down, I observed an enthusiastic dancer. Initially, I thought he was the partner of one of the band members because he kept dancing around them and pointing at the women. I don’t usually criticize someone’s way of having fun if it’s different from mine. However, this man was energetically dancing between tables, trying to persuade women to dance with him.

There was a group of three couples that occasionally engaged with him and I think this made him believe they were his dance partners now. One woman, in particular, was wrangled to dance several times. I assumed she was a carefree person who didn’t mind being playful in a bar. But after three dances, I could see on her face that she was tired of this man.  

It puzzled me as to why the man she was with didn’t intervene – perhaps they weren’t romantically involved. Regardless, it was evident that she was irritated. Drawing from my own experiences, I sensed that she was hesitant to come across as impolite. He was older than her, and some people struggle to assert themselves or set boundaries with older individuals because we were taught to show respect to our elders.

Every now and then, this man would lose interest in the first woman and migrate to a different table where three women were enjoying drinks and each other’s company. Tiny Dancer would peer over their table, asking for someone to dance with him again and again. After some hesitation, the women agreed, dancing for a few songs. All the same, in my opinion, he was being overly touchy for a stranger at a bar.

At some point, he wanted to buy a drink for one of the ladies at the table. She politely declined at first, but after his insistence, she ordered a Coors Light. The man seemed displeased with her choice, as she had been drinking a martini earlier. (Clearly, she was trying to be courteous!) He proceeded to lecture her on her choice of drink and then drank his Miller Lite alone.  

Was this man purposefully dominating and assertive? Maybe not. Some individuals might assume that invading personal space and being touchy-feely is acceptable because they themselves are comfortable with it. Perhaps this behavior is influenced by how he was brought up. I don’t want to stereotype different generations, but there was a time when this behavior was common, regardless of whether it was right or wrong.

Nonetheless, I am disturbed by the fact that four women had their fun night out tinged by an unwanted stranger. Why is it that women can’t enjoy a night out without being bothered by men one way or another? I understand that some women may seek out this kind of attention, but all of these women were wearing wedding rings, so that doesn’t seem to be the case here. Sometimes, all we want is to have a good time with our friends without any interference. Is it too much to ask for that kind of respect?   

While I was preparing to write this post, I conducted some research on women’s interactions in public spaces. One source mentioned the adjustments women make in their lifestyles to evade harassment. This struck a chord with me as I realized I have adopted many of these strategies. Individuals who dismiss these concerns by saying “Why are you making a fuss? It’s just a compliment!” or “I wouldn’t mind if women were flirting with me all day” only reinforce the notion that our feelings are unwarranted.  What do you think?