Hello again! It’s been… a while since I’ve updated the blog. Life came in, rearing its ugly head, and I haven’t had much desire to do anything more than necessary. Well, I guess necessary is a relative term. Before I get into the beef and potatoes of this post, know it may be a long one. I have a lot to catch up on and haven’t had a good outlet to bounce this information off of.

After our trip to Italy, my husband and I had a discussion, and I expressed how unhappy I am with my professional life. I thought I wanted to go into Human Resources. I really enjoy working with and advocating for our employees. I’ve been trying (and denied) the opportunity to work with others in this field at my current full-time job to gain experience. So, I figured the best way to go about it was to study to get my SHRM certification (a professional credential designed to validate a person’s knowledge and skills in human resources).

This is not an easy certification, especially for someone with little hands-on experience in the field. Currently, I’m one section away from being eligible to take the certification test. The last section is about laws, and it is rough! I’ll fully admit that I stopped studying months ago because I was so frustrated at being denied any kind of opportunity to learn anything in this field hands-on. “What’s the point of studying for this if I have no real experience to back it up?” I began talking with some colleagues about this predicament, and it sounds like the HR field is struggling in general currently. Now the question is, do I want to spend all this time studying for a test, spending hundreds of dollars to take the test, and possibly leave a secure job for an unsure future? Not really.

The more I thought about it, the more I actually didn’t know what I wanted to do to feel happy at work. There is nothing terrible about my current position, but there’s no opportunity for growth, and I can’t picture doing the same thing for another 10+ years. My husband suggested I take some online tests to determine what my strengths and desires are for a career. I ended up buying Ken Coleman’s book, Find the Work You’re Wired to Do! What I learned was that the online test can be helpful for some people to determine their strengths, weaknesses, and the things that bring them joy. For me, however, I already had an idea of these things. I was hoping the book (used after the online assessment) would provide more insight into what types of jobs I should be looking for, but it didn’t.

I ended up talking with my therapist about all of this, and she suggested I just think about things that make me happy. She asked: “What would you enjoy doing, regardless of the skillset and the pay?” I thought about my desire to incorporate creativity into my routine. I enjoy making things- whether it’s making an invite for a party, home decor, or a hand-embroidered gift. Many friends began telling me that I should be selling my embroidery projects. I had considered it previously, but wasn’t sure if anyone would actually want them. I decided to take the plunge and open an Etsy shop to sell handmade gifts.

I think I started openly selling items at the end of October/beginning of November, hoping that I would get sales for Christmas. I have sold some items, but not nearly the volume I had hoped for. It’s a tough industry to break into, especially when you’re a “small business” with handmade items. Big business makes it hard for us to thrive. Admittedly, I’ve felt a bit deflated about this, too. I understand that things take time, and kinks always need to be worked out with any business. I think I took my friends and family’s praise to heart- not something I normally do- and got my hopes up. Right now, I’m struggling with trying to make new items to see if that generates more interest, and not overloading my house with holiday items I have nothing to do with. I’ve decided to keep chugging along, hoping for sales, but being realistic that I need to get my name out there, and maybe I just started this a little too late for the holiday season.

Even though I decided to keep trying to give this small business venture a try, I have to be realistic. This isn’t something that will allow me to quit my job and pursue happiness and income anytime soon. So again, I went back to thinking about what would make me feel satisfied. And what popped into my head kind of surprised me. I started thinking about how I would like to have something less corporate. OK, a smaller business. Then I saw a business I followed on Instagram announced that they’d be closing their doors at the end of the month. They created organic, healthy, ready-made meals. The owner changed the meals with the seasons and sold them at local gyms, gas stations, etc. And she wasn’t closing because of costs or lack of business. She was closing because the workload was too much for her. And all I was thinking was, I could do that.

Not running the whole business, but being an employee who could help keep her business running. Then I began to think about other opportunities, and call me crazy, but I think I just want to work in a small, local business. No specific job duty (though cleaning would not be on the list!), but just something where a small group of people make something work and feel pride in what they’re putting out. Don’t think I’m naive. I’m aware that no business is without its faults and frustrations. I understand that everyone has shitty days, but I really feel an interest in giving this a try. I’m not sure how. I’m not sure if I even find a place, if I’m brave enough to leave a decent-paying job with benefits, and coworkers that have become friends, to try something that may not even pan out.

So, the question at hand is, how badly do I want this? Am I willing to risk familiarity for the unknown? And if it doesn’t work out, what’s a 40-year-old to do in a not-so-great economy if I’m left without a job? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts.