You always hear people say, “If I knew then what I know now…” And I agree to an extent. It would be nice to know certain aspects of life early, but would we listen? Judging from the advice I try to give my teenager, the answer is no. However, I think it’s important to have struggles and learn as you go through life. It helps you to become a stronger person, understand ideas from other point of views, and figure out a mistake you don’t want to make again.

Below, I have curated my top 5 things that I wished I had learned earlier. Let’s dive in.

You can’t change people.

Quoting Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” It took me a long time and a failed marriage to realize you can’t change people. At some point, we’re all guilty of thinking someone will change with enough time. Whether it’s good or bad, take everyone you meet at face value. I had believed when I was younger that some of my ex-husband’s bad habits could be trained out of him. If I just pressured him enough, he’d start dressing better or acting appropriately at a nice restaurant. But all it really did was put a wedge between us. My dad told me near the end of that relationship that you should never expect someone to change. And it’s true. I wouldn’t want someone to be with me, thinking I was a project for them to work on.

Time isn’t infinite.

I always used to say that I didn’t need to worry about getting my degree, there’s plenty of time. Or, I can take that trip later, when I’m older. But the truth is, we never know how much time we have, and it slips by so fast without you noticing. By the time I finally got my degree, I was 38 years old. While I am proud of myself for finally graduating, it would have been so much easier before a marriage, kids, dogs, work, etc. I thought I’d do it next year or after this or that happens. That’s not realistic. Our lives ebb and flow constantly, and you never know what’s going to be thrown your way. Follow your dreams, follow your heart, but don’t wait.

Kids grow up faster than you think.

This one is kind of tough for me. I don’t want to believe that my baby will be driving soon and then off to college. When your kids are smaller, there are moments that you appreciate, but there’s also the stress of running on little sleep with a needy baby or toddler. Sometimes you just wish time could fast forward. I was remembering recently how my son used to ask to sleep in my bed when he was 7 or 8. I told him he was too old to be sleeping with us and took him to his bed. But now, as I look back on it, I should have cherished that moment. I’m not sure I’ll get another chance to cuddle him to sleep- especially not at as a sweet little boy that wanted to cuddle with his mom. Now I get those side hugs that teenagers are so great at. I remember all the times I was ready for him to get past a stage in life to make life easier, but now I miss them.

Life doesn’t always turn out the way you think it will.

When I was younger, I dreamt of getting married, having kids, and living a simple life. Sounds easy enough, right? I thought I’d be married to my husband forever, celebrating the coveted 50 year anniversary milestone. I thought my best friend of nearly 30 years would be next to me throughout all of it. But these things did not happen for me. My relationship didn’t work out with my first husband and my bestie decided to ostracize me from her life unexpectedly. I didn’t anticipate or want any of this, but now I think it was for the best. If I wouldn’t have gotten divorced, I wouldn’t have met my current husband and gained love, respect, and patience. He showed me what it meant to be a team again and opened my eyes to other facets of life that I was too blind to see before. This is still a little raw for me, even years later. However, I’m glad that I found out what kind of “friend” she was. I no longer have to wonder what’s wrong with me whenever she would say I was being selfish or not caring about things in her life. Sometimes, fate knows better than you.

It’s ok to ask for help

I was brought up by an independent woman who never believed in gender stereotypes. This, paired with my perfectionist nature, gave me the will to do many things on my own. It’s great to be able to do things without help, but you shouldn’t expect to have to handle everything in life on your own. I’ve always had a need to have things a certain way. I know if someone moves something at my desk by only a few degrees, I’m the only one that can fold my laundry correctly. I just like things a certain way. Because of that, I’ve always taken the reigns in situations that I was nervous someone else would do wrong or incomplete. Often, this leads to overextending myself- physically and mentally. I think the thing that most people forget is it’s ok to ask for help, especially with the big things- relationship issues, job stressors, mental health, etc. I’ve always wanted to handle things on my own, but there have certainly been times that I’ve needed help and I’m slowly learning how to ask for it.

What did you think of my list of things I wish I knew sooner? Is there anything on your list that I’ve missed? Let me know in the comments.